In 2016, as part of my artistic practice, I tried to document my attempts at talking to strangers and finding community in Vancouver. This is the last in a series of five writings. The beginning of the series is here.
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Friday, August 5, 2016
I’ve started reading John Selby’s book Solitude, which is about moving from loneliness to solitude. In it Selby asks who is your best friend? I answered Lenny, but that apparently was the wrong answer. I am my own best friend. And how would you treat your best friend? I decided I’d go to Banyan Books and take myself out for pie at Aphrodites.
But first, the day started with a walk with Carrie.1 We went out early today. It was supposed to be my ‘run’ day but my legs were quite sore, so I skipped it. Off we went and ended up at McSpadden Park where we made a new acquaintance, Paul & Emma. Emma is a lovely six-month old dog. Paul is from a small town called Milton, outside of Toronto. He was quite friendly, in a way that is unusual for west coast people. It reminded me of Clemens & Bug—another human and dog duo. Clemens was from Toronto. Anyway, we had a relaxed chat. What I noticed about Paul is that he said good morning right away, as soon as he stepped into the field, and extended his hand. So unusual here.
I headed back home and settled Carrie with a pig’s ear, and off I went to my date with self. I hopped on the skytrain to downtown and waited for the number four bus on Granville Street. I decided to sit at one end of the bus bench while waiting. An older man was already sitting at the other end. I said good morning, and we ended up chatting. It was about 10:30 in the morning, he was drinking a beer. He asked if I wanted one, I said no thanks, it’s too early for me, I’m more of a coffee person. He said he never liked coffee much, never got into going to Starbucks or Tim Hortons. If he wants a coffee, he goes to McDonalds. He said this morning he had a beer even before he was awake. I’m not sure that he was waiting for a bus, I think it was just somewhere to sit and people watch—it seems like a good spot for that. He said he goes to West Vancouver prospecting. Prospecting? Like gold prospecting? He said prospecting for ‘this’ and lifted up his beer can. He collects beer cans to supplement his pension, he said.
He was a pleasant man, chatted easily. I wanted to ask him where he was from. Curious about that. I think I’m looking for proof that people from other places other than Vancouver are friendlier. My bus came, so I bid him a good day and he did the same.
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June 2022
The power of “minimal social interactions,” as is talked about in psychology, cannot be underestimated. That day, I noted that I felt pretty good after having chatted with a couple of people, and I wondered if it was happening because I was open to it—I certainly was and I was intentional about it. But it’s the ‘aha’ moment that propelled me into action.’ A flash of insight that led me to say ‘I could just start talking to strangers because I want more interaction and connection on a day to day basis.’
A Canadian research psychologist, Gillian Sandstrom, recounts a similar epiphany. She realized she gave a quick glance up to strangers when walking outside and then immediately looked down—a very common behaviour in cities. Upon realizing she did this, she decided she would change and started making longer eye contact, and that eventually led to talking to strangers, and to acknowledging those people we walk by everyday—in her case the woman working the hot dog cart.2
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That summer of 2016, talking to strangers was the art project, a project centering actionable research that would perhaps lead to the next art/life project. And it did, it led to participatory projects, such as Directions for the Mind (2017) in Vancouver, inter.action (2019) in New Glasgow (Nova Scotia), and Fraser River Walks in Vancouver (2021)—all devising interaction with stangers. But all art things aside, the habit now persists.
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I want to thank the stranger who is following this newsletter and who reached out and asked if I wanted to meet up for a coffee and “test the conversation waters.” We met up in June and had a very lovely and engaging conversation at the Commercial Street Cafe on Commercial Street and East 20th Avenue. A great place on a sunny day with tables outside.
Carrie is (now) a 10-year old chocolate lab/border collie cross. She is really sweet. She’s a really good friend. I also have a really good human friend named Carrie.
The term “minimal social interactions” and the information about Gillian Sandstrom is derived from Joe Keohane’s book The Power of Strangers (2021).
human Carrie loves that she got a mention ♥️♥️♥️🤓♥️♥️♥️ #egoboost